


'Till Our Stars Collided

by StartledAutumn



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst, Coffeeshop AU, College AU, Comedy, F/M, Gen, M/M, Slow Burn, bobby and trevor aren't the same people, but also carrie, i wanted bobby in here because he deserves love, or at least im trying to
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28530765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StartledAutumn/pseuds/StartledAutumn
Summary: Despite not all of them pursuing music in college, there is no denying that their hearts lay with Sunset Curve. Music is what brought them together and it continues to bring more into their lives. New friendships, new adventures but also new obstacles.The Sunset Curve / Triple Threat rivalry starts off as something fun but when new management takes over it starts taking a toll.Alex discovers that things aren’t as easy as just quitting - but in order to fix things he first needs to learn how to dream.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 18
Kudos: 94





	1. one | clocks move forward

**Author's Note:**

> hello and welcome to my biggest project yet! this is my first chaptered fic and i'm beyond excited to see where it's gonna go! if you decide to take this journey with me, i hope you'll enjoy <3

Alex didn’t like to dream.

It was an easy thing to fall into. A wandering thought at a seemingly innocent _what if_ or _maybe_. Imagination running wild because it offers far fewer limitations than life and those ideas and fantasies created one of two outcomes: Alex feeling hopeful, or him feeling hopeless.

Hopelessness always had him feeling like he was screaming into a void with nobody there to answer his calls. It felt like something heavy somewhere in his chest that made getting through the day needlessly complicated. Sometimes, instead of heavy, it felt hollow, like something had been taken from him that he didn’t know was there. He hated feeling like that, but he hated feeling hopeful even more because he never knew how long it was going to last. Usually it wasn’t long at all.

It would always start with feelings of self-confidence that Alex wished he could hold onto for eternity. A sudden burst of motivation that would set everything in motion right up until his mind decided that he’d been having too much fun. It would start picking at each and every positive thought until there was nothing left of them. His mind would tell him that something was going to go wrong, and then when it did it would start picking at everything else. It was right about that one thing, so what if it was right again?

No matter what, dreaming would always end up with him feeling hopeless, so it was something he preferred to avoid.

Tonight felt like a dream, though, and Alex figured that maybe this time it was okay, because for once it was _real_. The sand beneath his feet, the presence of his three favorite people in the world, the bonfire in the middle of the circle they formed; the crashing waves and the clear night sky – all of it was real.

What had been months and months of wistful thinking had turned into a reality that left Alex’s hands shaking with excitement hours after the announcement.

“Can you believe it, boys? We graduated. We freaking _graduated._ ” He wasn’t entirely sure if it was normal for someone’s voice to sound so filled with wonder and disbelief at something like graduation, but Luke’s voice definitely did. Alex supposed it was fair; Luke had little to no motivation for classes that didn’t involve music. He’d considered several times to just drop out, but what he wanted more than that was to study music in college. So he stuck around, his friends helping him where they could. Most of that involved Reggie or Bobby dragging him to the library.

“Not only that; we graduated _together_ ,” Reggie added, a lopsided grin on his face, the glint in his eyes reflecting the same kind of wonder and disbelief that dripped off of Luke’s words.

Those words carried weight for him, Alex knew. It had been on a drunken night less than a year ago that Reggie had confessed his fears of being alone; of losing them. Alex shared those feelings with him, and he thought that maybe Reggie knew this and chose to share it with him because of it. Alex had never seen Reggie tipsy, let alone drunk, so he didn’t think the alcohol was the cause.

Alex had listened to him quietly, soaking in every sentence that Reggie was willing to share with him. Reggie seemingly hadn’t realized that he’d started rambling like that because he fell quiet for a couple of seconds before apologizing profusely. Alex had told him that it was okay, because it was, and that he shared those same feelings, because he did.

So when Alex looked at him then, Reggie looked back, a quiet understanding between the two of them that the others didn’t seem to pick up on.

For almost the whole night, Bobby had been sitting quietly, staring into the crackling fire as he soaked in everything going on around him. He’d never been a man of many words, happy to let Reggie and Luke’s energy take the front stage. Whenever he did speak, though, he always pulled the attention of the other three.

“Like we always say; no stray left behind.”

Bobby hadn’t averted his eyes from the fire, a plastic cup nearly void of liquid resting against his lips. To a stranger he’d look bored or uninterested, but they saw the softness in his eyes. He was thinking. Processing what had happened and what was going to happen next while enjoying their company.

Alex couldn’t help but smile at his words, soft and fond. Him and Bobby were childhood friends, young kids that felt lost more often than not. They’d pulled each other in, never leaving each other’s sides. Whenever one of them felt particularly lost and lonely, the sentence ‘no stray left behind’ was used to comfort them. When they met Luke and Reggie, it applied to them almost immediately and it didn’t take long before they started using it too.

They were all just kids that felt lost and like they didn’t belong, like they didn’t have a home where they could just be themselves. Those words were just a reminder that they belonged together, and that they could always find a home in each other. A home and a sense of belonging that was going to come with him across the state.

“It’s kind of insane,” Alex said, the soft smile still lingering on his lips. “ _Four years._ It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long.”

“You’re right,” Luke answered. “It feels like it was much longer.”

Alex shoots him a look and shoves Luke’s knee with his foot. “Not what I meant, asshole.” And it’s in the other boy’s smile that he sees the joking intent behind it.

“I’m kinda gonna miss that place,” Reggie said, looking up at the stars as if they held all of his memories. “It wasn’t all happy and fun times, but it had its moments.”

“Like that one time you tripped in the cafeteria and spilled your food all over your crush?” Bobby teased, finally looking away form the fire to shoot a playful grin towards Reggie, who suddenly looked exasperated and threw his hands in the air.

“Did you _have_ to bring that up?”

“That’s tough talk for someone who almost burned down the school in science class,” Alex said.

“You and Reg refused to work with either of us because we sucked at it, what else did you expect when Luke is my lab partner?” Bobby defended himself. “Besides, Luke was the one in charge of making sure that _wouldn’t_ happen. I was writing down chemical formulas.”

“Well I did my job,” Luke answered. “School is still standing.”

“The teacher had to use a fire extinguisher.”

“Shut up, Bobby.”

Tonight they were living a dream. Not only did they all finish off high school successfully, they were going to be attending the same college; no need for goodbyes. It was something Alex hadn’t even dared imagine, terrified of how his mind was going to pick at those thoughts if he did. Whenever ideas about it would pop up inside his mind he’d push them away, hide them somewhere, unwilling to think about the possibility of losing the most important people in his life.

Tonight there was little for his mind to pick at because there was no denying the reality of things. He wasn’t imagining the flickering fire in front of him. He wasn’t just thinking about going to college with Luke, Reggie and Bobby; everything had already been taken care of.

He wasn’t dreaming about bickering with his friends about the things that happened in high school. He wasn’t hallucinating the carefree smiles or the fake hurt expressions.

It was real and it was undeniable, and it felt like magic.


	2. two | i found the ground i'm marching on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small disclaimer that i don't know how colleges and universities work exactly in the USA, so the education system is going to be a mixture of vague things I know from there plus the one in my own country <3

Being at home had always kind of felt like he was drowning. Unable to just _breathe_ because there were parts of him that he had to hide. The potential futures for him that his mother talked about flooding his mind, knowing he’d never live up to them. Forcing a smile on his lips and giving only _maybe_ as an answer because it was safe.

It often felt as if life was testing him to see how long he could hold his breath before he’d gasp for air. Alex wasn’t ashamed of who he was, but he knew that if he breathed he would kill whatever chance at life he had left. His parents were always very vocal about how they felt about his… _kind._

His _kind._ As if he was from another planet.

He was just gay. It was that simple. It was okay, he knew it was. He never doubted it, but if his parents found it out it would be like the end of the world. So he never told them, he never shared, never breathed, letting himself drown in order to eventually live.

Pulling the front door shut behind him with the knowledge he wouldn’t have to come back for a long time felt like someone had finally pulled him to the surface.

Seeing the stupid grins of his three best friends - knowing they’d be the only family he’d have to worry about - felt like the gasp of air he’d been waiting for for 19 years.

They’d always been there, like bubbles of air that kept him from drowning completely - making it possible for him to keep going but at the same time making him yearn for more air.

“You ready to leave this hellhole?” Luke asked him, grabbing him by the shoulder and shaking him a little, Alex’s grin now matching his.

That yearning finally ended. “Yeah. I am.”

Among the four of them, Bobby was the only one with a car. An old but surprisingly functional vehicle that he only trusted two other people to drive: Reggie and Alex. Luke was a terrible driver, and the only time Bobby would let him drive was if the other three were dying.

Ever since Reggie got his license just a couple months back, Bobby had given him the opportunity to drive his car whenever they used it. Reggie loved to drive. Where normally he was energetic and a little reckless, when he was driving there was a natural calm to him, eyes looking at the road in front of him with silent wonder. Fingers gently tapping at the steering wheel in a beat he’d normally provide on his bass. Zoned out but completely attentive.

Alex was pretty sure Bobby let Reggie borrow the car even if they didn’t need it; just as an escape and a way to clear his mind. Whenever Reggie brought up gas money, Bobby told him to shut up.

So now, during the near six hour drive from Los Angeles to Sacramento, Reggie was driving too. There was no real reason to wonder why Bobby didn’t take the wheel, or why Alex wasn’t driving. It was visible in his eyes that there was some kind of guilt he felt about leaving. Despite the grin that Reggie gave Alex; despite the arm that he slung around his shoulders for a side hug, the guilt remained and he needed to clear his mind; distract himself from whatever thoughts were going through his head. They were happy to let him do so.

For the most part, the ride was quiet aside from the music that played on their radio, though eventually Bobby had enough of the local stations and hijacked the AUX cord. Alex was just happy they all shared a similar taste in music.

Luke spent most of those six hours writing songs in the backseat, his notebook in his lap while looking up rhymes on his phone. Occasionally he’d suddenly speak up or start singing lyrics in different melodies, unknowingly keeping Alex from drifting off to sleep several times over.

“ _And I keep on going, ‘cause I know I’ll be alright. Never won’t feel safe, ‘cause I’m in your starlight_ …” Luke sang the lyrics quietly and to himself, not really expecting anyone to be listening. He looked kind of startled when Alex spoke up.

“I like that melody for it. Suiting.”

“Weren’t you sleeping?”

“I can’t with your inconsistent vocal interruptions.”

The joking tone in Alex’s words was unmistakable, so Luke chuckled a little before going back to writing. Despite recognizing the joke, Luke remained quiet this time, causing Alex to finally drift off to sleep three hours into the drive.

When Bobby woke him up by poking him in the sides, they were already there. They were just in a parking lot, but when Alex got out of the car he was instantly hit by the magnitude that the university held. The campus was _huge_. Pictures had done it little justice.

“We’re so gonna get lost,” Reggie sighed.

The other three responded, in a perfect harmony that didn’t even surprise them. “Yep.”

They grabbed whatever bags they’d brought along from the car before setting out to try and navigate their way to the front desk. Alex really wished he’d spent more time studying the map, because it turned out all four of them were horrible at navigating their way by following signs. He didn’t know how they managed to miss two turns in a row, but they did.

He also didn’t know how they eventually _did_ manage to find the front desk, but he hoped that whatever magic allowed them to have more than one combined brain could help them once more. They still needed to find their rooms.

Unfortunately, they’d gone back to endlessly searching.

Luke, who was walking ahead of them, suddenly stopped in his tracks and dropped his duffel to the floor, spreading out his arms and looking around with a confused frown. “Who designed this place?!”

“I just think we’re really dumb,” Bobby answered.

Luke went to turn around so he could face them but made the mistake of keeping his arms spread wide, hitting a girl that was walking by and spilling her cup of tea all over her. Luke’s expression went from highly confused to wide-eyed guilt. “Oh my god. I am _so_ sorry.”

The girl looked up at him, an at least somewhat forced smile on her lips. “It’s fine. It happens.”

“D-Did you get hurt? It wasn’t still hot, was it?”

“I let it go cold by accident, so no, it wasn’t.” She looked down at her (now ruined) white, printed shirt. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go change.”

“Right, yeah, uh,” Luke stammered. “Would you… maybe tell us where we can find the dorms?”

“Down the path lined with trees. It’ll be on your left. There will be signs directing you to the buildings.”

Luke smiled, shy and small. Alex had genuinely never seen him this… _smitten_ before. Yeah, that seemed like the right word. It was rather endearing. “Right, thanks.”

The girl just nodded before turning on her heels and walking off. Luke shouted after her. “I’ll make it up to you!” And then, still with that goofy, small smile on his lips, Luke turned back towards the others. “Alright, let’s go.”

“You are a disaster, Luke Patterson,” Bobby chuckled.

“Shut up. I found out where the dorms are.”

“Ah yeah,” Alex said sarcastically. “A path lined with trees, and signs directing us to the buildings. Signs are easy for us.”

“Shut up, Alex.”


	3. three | feel my chest beating like thunder

It didn’t matter how low he’d turned the brightness setting on his phone. Even the dimmest light was too bright for his eyes to handle in the darkness of the room. Yet he’d been checking for the time on several occasions throughout the night. There was an unwavering stream of thoughts flooding his mind, keeping him awake enough to see every hour on the clock. That combined with a mattress that made it feel like he was laying on the floor had prevented Alex from getting a single minute of sleep.

This time the numbers on his screen read 5:58am.

He dropped his phone next to him with a sigh, staring up at the bunk above him which held a lightly snoring Bobby. He felt kind of lucky to be sharing a room with him rather than Reggie or Luke. While yes, he loved all three of them more than words could say, Reggie and Luke were messy disasters and Alex liked being able to see the floor. He was still missing the set of drumsticks he’d somehow lost in Luke’s room, and he still had a scar on his knee from tripping over rogue shoes in Reggie’s room. At least that was the last time Reggie put empty glasses on the floor.

While Bobby wasn’t exactly a tidy person, he was the least bad out of the three.

After a few more minutes of staring out in front of him, Alex decided he was done laying in bed and tried to get out as quietly and carefully as he could, not wanting to wake up Bobby.

Any attempts at staying quiet were thrown out of the window when he misjudged the height of the top bunk and hit his head against the wood.

“Fucking _shit_.”

The words came out a lot louder than he meant to and he knew his chances of not waking Bobby were zero when he heard him rustling under his blankets.

“What the fuck, Alex? Why are you up at this forsaken hour?”

“You don’t even know what time it is.”

“Does it matter? It’s still dark out. That means it’s too-fucking-early o’clock.”

Alex wanted to point out that the room was this dark due to the closed blinds and that the sun was already rising but he decided to let it go. Six in the morning was too early for Bobby whether the sun was out or not.

“Why are you up?” Bobby questioned, half mumbling as he wasn’t fully awake. “Semester hasn’t started yet.”

“I can’t sleep.”

A beat of silence.

“Anxiety?”

“Yeah, I guess… Lots of change.”

“Do you need me?”

There was no way for Bobby to see the gentle smile that formed on Alex’s lips but it was there anyway. An unspoken sign of gratefulness. “Nah. No, I’m just… gonna go for a walk. Thank you.”

Bobby hummed some kind of confirmation before likely dozing off again, so rather than turning on the light in the room Alex used the light of his phone to search for his pink hoodie. The hoodie and sweatpants combo was never not comfortable, though they were extra nice on days like these.

Days like these, where the unknown continued to raise questions in his mind. Where uncertainty fueled his fears and insecurities. Where his made-up, doom driven realities not only weighed on his mind but also on his chest.

Once he put on his shoes, grabbed some necessities and sneaked his way outside, he didn’t go for a walk. Instead, he ran.

It was something he used to do before he got his drums. He’d run and run until his chest burned. Until his legs were screaming at him to stop. Until he was too tired to even think anymore.

Drumming had become a preferred alternative once he got his first set at fourteen. It was something he could force his focus into. Something that grabbed him enough to be able to stop thinking even if it was only momentarily. Whatever fear was on his mind, whatever thoughts were plaguing him - he could just wail away on his drums and the anxiety would leave him little by little each time his sticks would hit the plastic. He’d feel better at the end, a little lighter.

He couldn’t bring his drums with him to college. There was no way for them to fit in the dorms so he had to leave them behind. It wasn’t as if he could’ve played them now, anyway. Not at six in the morning in a building filled with college students. Still, it felt like a part of him had been left behind.

So he had to resort to running again, heartbeat vaguely reminiscent of his drums, feet moving him across the near-empty campus grounds too fast for him to seem like a regular jogger. It didn’t matter; all Alex hoped to do was to outrun his thoughts.

He was tired of needing to know where everything was just in case he needed it for an emergency. Tired of questioning why things were the way they were. Tired of needing to figure everything out _right now_ because if he didn’t his mind would have too much fun playing with the possibilities of what could go wrong. He was tired of not having the answers to his questions but he was also tired of having questions to begin with.

It took thirteen minutes of running before he was too tired to think.

Alex decided to give his legs a rest inside the nearby coffeeshop he’d spotted. The sign above the door read _Hazel Gardens Café_. It looked like a calm and friendly place and that was exactly what Alex needed right now.

Walking through the doors felt a little bit like coming home. It was warm inside, a hearth burning on his left and soft music playing through the room. The comforting feeling was enhanced by the homey décor; warm colors, comfy looking seats and a variety of plants and other decorative items making it feel like a living room rather than a café. There was only one other person inside aside from the employees, tucked away in the furthest corner the place offered. It looked and felt like a great place to study and Alex was already considering coming here more often.

He checked his pockets to make sure he had his wallet on him before walking up to the counter to order something. While normally he would go for a coffee – especially after a bad night – he decided not to refuel the thoughts he’d been outrunning. He’d go for tea instead.

The employee that went to help him made him stop thinking much more efficiently than running had done.

The best way to describe this guy was radiant. Like the sun in human form, with long, pretty brown hair stuffed up in a bun and a smile so warm it could melt an iceberg. His brown eyes were friendly and glittering with joy. His voice – which fit him perfectly – snapped Alex out of his daze. “You look like you came here in a hurry. You been running?”

It was at this moment that Alex realized he must be looking like a mess – sweaty, red cheeks and out of breath. The hair on his head resembling a tousled mop rather than any kind of hairstyle. He immediately ran his hands through his hair in a meager attempt at fixing it. “I uhm –“ His mind blanked. _Words, Alex. You know words._ “Yeah, something… like that.”

The guy chuckled amusedly. Alex – realizing that he was staring – smiled awkwardly and looked away, catching the nametag he was wearing. _Willie._ He’d put a little smiley sticker next to his name. God, why was that so cute?

“Awesome. I admire your dedication to get out of bed to go running,” the guy, _Willie_ , said. “What can I get for you as a reward for the early morning exercise?”

Alex felt a need to correct him but what was he going to say? _Oh, I didn’t do it for exercise. I just started running to try and get so tired I’d stop thinking after a night of no sleep._ He couldn’t do that. Oh God this guy was just going to have to think he was some kind of morning person –

What was he going to order again?

He pretended to contemplate his options, trying to not make it obvious that he was completely flustered and forgetting to speak 75% of the English language. He looked up at the menu card above them. “Uhm, I’ll… have some tea?”

Why did he make that a question?

He was a disaster. Maybe he was worse than Luke. The idea terrified him.

Willie pretended as if this was normal. “Cool, I’ll get some water boiled for you. Can I get your name?”

Alex looked back at him, once again graced with that stunning smile that made him nearly forget his own name. “Alex. I’m… Alex.”

“Well, Alex,” Willie starts, and it left him wondering why his name sounded so nice coming from him. “I’ll go ahead and make your tea. You can go ahead and pick a flavor over there,” he gestured towards the end of the bar, where there was a cabinet with a variety of flavors, milk and sugar. “It’ll just be a minute!”

Willie gave him a wink before he left and suddenly Alex was thankful for his flushed cheeks, hoping they were enough to cover up the blush he knew was spreading across his face.

Alex walked over to see what flavors they had to offer. There was a wider variety than he’d ever seen. By the time Willie came back with his order he’d still not decided, so he grabbed the first one that caught his eye in a panic.

“Oh! Blueberry and cinnamon. That’s one of my favorites,” Willie said with a smile. Did he ever stop smiling? Alex hoped not.

“I’ve never had it. Seemed interesting.”

“Bet you’ll love it,” he grinned.

Alex paid for his drink and had enough of a functional brain to wish Willie a nice day. Rather than sit around and make more of a fool of himself, he slowly started making his way back to the dorms. His legs were protesting a bit, still tired from the run he’d forced them through. He walked slow, familiarizing himself with the campus while he walked back.

By the time he got there, Bobby had woken up too.

He was sitting on the couch they’d managed to stuff into the dorm, a whole bunch of camera equipment Alex couldn’t identify laid out in front of him. Once he noticed Alex in the doorway, Bobby gave him a once over. “How you feeling?”

Alex took a sip of his tea. “Better.”

He did very much enjoy this flavor of tea.

And no, it had nothing to do with it being this random gorgeous guy’s favorite.

Nor did it have anything to do with the way Alex’s name was written on the cup.

Or the smiley that was drawn next to it.

It was just a good flavor.


	4. four | voice like an angel, i've never heard before

“Alright Alex, spill the beans. Who’s the guy?”

Whatever thoughts had been running through Alex’s mind were entirely forgotten by the time Bobby was done talking. He didn’t remember if they were important thoughts. He just knew that they had been abruptly swallowed by a void, left to be remembered at a time where they’d no longer be important.

Alex stopped writing in his notebook, eyes now searching for wherever the hell Bobby was. He found both him and Reggie staring at him from the couch, amused and knowing grins on their faces. The last time they’d looked at him like that was during a lunch break in sophomore year, where Alex’s gaze had lingered maybe a little too long on a cute guy he’d spotted.

Alex sat up a little more straight, the floor suddenly a lot more uncomfortable than it had been before. The looks they were giving him did not help. “What?” he questioned, confusion dripping from his voice.

“Who’s the guy?” Bobby repeated himself, that stupid grin still on his face.

Alex just stared at him, shaking his head slowly as he tried to make sense of what he was asking. They were the only three in the room. Had they been talking about someone and did he completely miss out on that conversation? Were they just being vague? Both were equally possible options, to be honest. “I – What _guy_?”

Reggie rolled his eyes and chuckled amusedly at Alex’s confusion. “Oh, you know, the guy that’s got Alex Mercer staring at nothing all dreamily and has him doodling hearts and smiley faces all over his notebook.”

“I didn’t –“ Despite being rather certain of himself, Alex looked down at the notebook in his lap just to confirm his own beliefs. His eyes scanned the pages for hearts and smiley faces, trying to figure out if Reggie was messing with him or not. There were plenty of doodles scattered across the page, interrupting messily written to-do lists and random, uncategorized notes. That by itself was nothing out of the ordinary; nearly every page in his notebook looked like that.

Between all the little drawings he created he found exactly one heart and two smiley faces (because he had somehow messed up the first one).

Reggie _was_ messing with him.

Bastard.

Alex sighed and threw him an unamused look, which made the other boy grin even wider. “Fuck you, Reg.”

“Admit it, buddy,” Bobby chuckled. “You’re crushing on someone and you’re crushing _hard_. You’ve been out of it since you went for that walk a couple days back.”

“What? No - I haven’t been “out of it”.”

Bobby and Reggie looked at each other in such a way that Alex knew he was about to get proven wrong – and he didn’t like it. He leaned back against the bed behind him with a sigh.

“You spilled milk all over the floor because you weren’t paying attention and missed the glass,” Bobby said, starting to count each of their arguments with his fingers.

“When Luke tried talking to you last night you weren’t aware of it until he threw a pillow in your face,” Reggie added.

“You tried drinking water and missed your mouth by several inches.”

“You nearly went to your first class without shoes.”

“You almost –“

“Okay!” Alex exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air as a sign of defeat. “I might’ve been a little distracted. And yeah, maybe… maybe I met a cute guy…”

The sudden excitement on their faces after he spoke those words was both endearing and a little bit frightening. He never had anything to fear around his friends; their support was endless and unwavering. This, however, also meant an endless and unwavering amount of questions and teasing.

“So did you get his name?” Reggie inquired, one eyebrow raised and a playful smirk spread across his lips. “Or was it just a passerby you’ll likely never see again, like Luke with the tea-girl?”

Alex couldn’t really help but smile a little. He wasn’t sure whether it was because of the light attempt at a joke from Reggie or because he got to talk about the guy with the sunshine smile. “His name’s Willie. He’s a barista at this café on campus.”

There was a certain shift in the expression on Reggie’s face. His eyes grew just a little wider and there was a glint in his eyes that Alex couldn’t place. Before he could ask about it though, Luke threw open the door of their dorm, announcing his presence with a loud cheer. “Guess who just booked us our first gig, boys!”

“You did what now?” Bobby asked him, sounding as perplexed as Alex felt.

“I booked us a gig,” he repeated with a victorious smile, throwing himself on the couch next to Reggie and slinging an arm around his shoulders. “Just because we’re in college doesn’t mean Sunset Curve is dead.”

“Dude, how the fuck do you expect us to practice?” Alex questioned. “I don’t even have my drums.”

Luke looked at him, that same smile still on his face. “You’re acting as if I didn’t prepare for that.”

Somewhere it should’ve been obvious. Ever since they’d started to perform as a band, Luke was the one arranging all the gigs and rehearsals. He had an immaculate memory when it came down to remembering their schedules and he always knew exactly where to go to sign up for gigs. This made it easy to plan things and give them opportunities to grow. Whatever success they’d built over the years, it was mostly thanks to Luke and his fierce determination to make things happen. It didn’t matter that Alex was planning an English major and Bobby a photography major; Luke would find a way for them to still make music.

Despite music not being Alex’s and Bobby’s focus in college, the two of them were still in love with their band and what they had created over the years. It was what had brought them closer back in high school. Another way to bond. None of them wanted to leave that behind.

So yeah, perhaps it was stupid of Alex to assume Luke wouldn’t fix the ‘no drums’ problem before it was even questioned.

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to try and fit a set of drums in our dorm,” Bobby groaned. He gestured around him. “As you can see, there is no space.”

“No furniture rearrangements needed,” Luke answered, patting Bobby’s shoulder to reassure him. “I found out that the music rooms can be reserved for band practice once classes are over. You can sign up for time slots and for the duration of that time the room is all ours.”

“They trust us with all those instruments just like that?” Alex questioned. It seemed like a bad idea to just let anyone have access to so much expensive equipment.

“Not exactly just like that,” Luke dug around in the pocket of his blue jacket, fishing out his keys. He only owned three actual keys – including the one he’d been given for the music room. Even so it was a hassle to find them because they were buried in between a large variety of keychains. Once he finally found the one he was looking for he held it up like a trophy. “They gave me a key. We’re responsible for it and they _know_ who we are – I had to sign us up via student ID and there’s security in there. So don’t go breaking shit – we’ll have to pay.”

Bobby huffed a laugh. “There go my evening plans.”

“Wait hold on, how did you get our student IDs?” Reggie asked, a frown on his face. “We have those cards on us almost all the time.”

“I took pictures of them.”

“ _When_?”

“Whenever you guys would leave your wallets alone.”

“You could have asked instead of lowkey robbing us.”

“It was meant to be a surprise!” Luke shouted in self-defense. “Stop asking questions and let’s go! Our timeslot is in ten minutes.”

There were words of protests on the tip of Alex’s tongue; there was still a lot of reading that he had to do for his classes. Before he even had a chance to speak, though, Luke had already jumped off the couch, eagerly waiting for them at the door. It reminded Alex of a dog that was excited to go for a walk.

Alex swallowed whatever words he was going to use to try and make his case. There was no way for him to concentrate anyway. Not with the promise of a set of drums he could use again – something he’s been wanting to do for days. Not with Willie’s cute smile still on his mind.

Alex, Reggie and Bobby shared a look; one of amusement and excitement, disbelief seeping through as well. That was kind of what settled the decision for them to come along without another word.

It wasn’t at all surprising to any of them that Luke knew the way to find the music rooms perfectly fine, even though he’d likely still get lost trying to go anywhere else. His ability to remember literally _anything_ related to music was both impressive and comical.

Once they approached the room that Luke had been given a key for, it quickly became clear that it was still occupied.

Coming from the room was the sound of a piano; skilled hands playing a gentle and captivating melody that they could hear coming through the walls and the closed door. Whereas the piano alone had caught their attention, the voice that started singing over it roped them in completely.

“ _Here's the one thing  
I want you to know_ _;  
_ _You got someplace to go_ _,  
_ _Life's a test yes_ _  
_ _But you go toe to toe_ _  
_ _You don't give up no_ _,_ _you grow_ _,”_

The singing quietened to a hum they could hear only very faintly, most of it drowned out by the sound of the piano. It was something Alex knew Luke did when he hadn’t finished the lyrics to a song yet, but had settled on a melody. He thought that maybe that was the case here too.

When the final note rang through the room it filled up with the sound of clapping and cheers instead, followed by excited chatter that they couldn’t follow.

Alex took a quick glance at the others. Judging by the expressions on their faces he felt it safe to assume that they were just as in awe as he was.

The person that had been singing inside the room had a voice that sounded nothing short of angelic. Alex was genuinely left wanting to hear more.

The four of them were startled out of whatever spell the music had put them under when the door next to them opened, revealing three girls that in turn were startled by their presence.

When Alex spotted that one of them was the girl Luke had spilled tea all over on their first day, he immediately shot his friend a look.

Luke was frozen on the spot, eyes wide as he stared at her. Alex really had to try to not break out into a teasing grin. _Really_ try.

The girl offered them a small, friendly smile, her eyes lingering a little when she looked at Luke. She seemed to recognize him. Then again, he _did_ spill tea all over her – that would be hard to forget. “I’m sorry; did we make you wait? We didn’t realize the time.”

“You’re fine,” Bobby offered. “We only just got here.”

“Awesome!” She said, smile growing a little wider. “Well, have fun.”

She gave them a small wave before the three of them walked off. Alex could hear them whisper-yelling at each other the moment they were a little ways down the hall, though he couldn’t tell what they were saying.

Once they disappeared around the corner Reggie nudged Bobby in the side. “Now we have to deal with two lovestruck puppies.”

Whereas Luke was still too much in awe to give that a proper response, Alex shoved Reggie’s shoulder, hoping that the blush creeping up on his cheeks wasn’t visible.

Based off of Reggie’s playful grin, it was.


	5. five | let me introduce myself

Out of the four of them, the one that was the most detail-oriented wasn’t Bobby, who’d been taking hundreds of pictures over the past years, always making sure the shot was _just_ right. It wasn’t Luke, who noticed the smallest of changes in pace or key in their songs. It wasn’t Alex, whose anxiety made him triple-check everything to make sure it was okay.

It was Reggie, who noticed and remembered things without even trying.

Superficially, it was easy to think of Reggie as aloof and dimwitted. There had been plenty of times where he’d speak before thinking, or times where he just seemed completely ignorant of his surroundings. To people that were unwilling to get to know Reggie better, that was all he really was.

Alex had now known him for little over five years and he knew the opposite to be true.

Even at times where it seemed like Reggie wasn’t paying attention, he’d still notice the smallest things. He remembered each of their coffee orders after the first time they went to get some together, down to the three sugars in Alex’s and the dash of almond milk in Bobby’s.

It also wasn’t at all uncommon for one of them to mention needing or wanting something in passing and then a few days later Reggie would show up with exactly that – while they’d forgotten they’d ever even mentioned it.

It wasn’t just speech, either. Alex couldn’t count on two hands how often the slightest change in his body language had been enough to alert Reggie that something was on his mind. Alex never knew how much he hid his hands in his pockets when he was nervous until Reggie had pointed it out to him.

It was a little bit of a curse because now Alex was highly conscious of it.

Reggie was the only one that Alex never had to come out to – he’d always kind of… _known_. A slip of the tongue revealing his attraction to men hadn’t made Reggie as much as blink and when Alex addressed it, he’d just shrugged and smiled. _“Yeah. I noticed. Why would it not be okay?”_

All in all, Reggie put more care into listening and paying attention to his friends than he did anything else. It was just that sometimes words slipped passed his lips before his mind could fully catch up.

With all this in mind, it _shouldn’t_ have been a surprise when Reggie dropped off some blueberry cinnamon tea for Alex that morning. Yet it had been about ten minutes since Reggie left – pretty much only bidding them a chipper “Good morning!” before leaving again – and Alex could only stare at the paper cup in confusion and with suspicion.

He had this flavor of tea _once_. Reggie hadn’t been there when he ordered it. He hadn’t been there when Alex drank it. As far as Reggie knew, Alex had never had this flavor of tea so why would he get it for him?

Blueberry cinnamon.

 _Willie’s favorite_.

Did he –

“Dude, why are you looking at your tea like it has plans to murder you?”

Before Alex’s sleep deprived brain processed those words, Bobby’s question was followed up by the all too familiar sound of a picture being taken.

It was a sound Alex very easily recognized because Bobby loved taking candid pictures and he, Reggie, and Luke never minded being the subjects of them. Bobby had an album dedicated to these kinds of pictures, ranging from band practices to movie nights to bonfire nights. He’d always loved capturing these kinds of memories, because otherwise they’d be so easily forgotten. Alex knew Bobby cherished every moment with them.

This, though, was an _interesting_ moment to capture.

Alex looked up from the paper cup of tea he was holding in his hand to look at Bobby, who was sitting on the couch to his left. “Did you just take a picture? Really?”

He just shrugged, not really paying attention to Alex as he looked down at his camera, checking to see how the picture turned out. Still there was a small, amused smile playing at his lips. “It’s funny.”

Alex sighed. “I – Okay…”

“But seriously, why are you looking at it like that?”

“Reggie gave it to me.”

Bobby looked at him then, an eyebrow raised. “Do you think Reg poisoned it or something?”

“No, it’s –“ Alex sighed again, this time in defeat more so than in disappointment. “It’s blueberry cinnamon tea. I had this tea _once_ – when I met Willie and it was _his_ favorite but like how would Reggie know I even had it? He never brings new flavors for us to try, he brings what we _like_. The only way he’d know is if he somehow knows Willie, which isn’t unlikely because when I first mentioned his name there was this… glint in Reggie’s eyes. Like he recognized it.”

“You’re thinking about this way too much.”

“Yeah, Bobby, that’s kinda my thing.”

Bobby huffed a laugh. “Okay well, if – hypothetically – you are correct, how would they have met? Did Willie strike you as a soul broken by mathematical equations?”

“Just because _you_ suck at math doesn’t mean that everyone does.”

Bobby reached behind him for a pillow, throwing it right at Alex’s head the moment their door opened. The two of them looked up to be greeted by the sight of Luke and Reggie in their doorway.

“Rise and shine boys!” Luke called. “It’s time to go!”

“Go where?” Alex questioned. It was eight in the morning on a Friday. Where could he possibly want them to go? Alex had a class at ten and was hoping to do some homework before it started. Though with Luke and Reggie owning a key to their dorm it was unlikely he would ever get to do any homework at all.

“For you guys to see the place I booked a gig at a couple days ago,” Luke answered. “The performance is tomorrow and you guys haven’t even seen it yet.”

“Yeah, because you didn’t tell us,” Bobby deadpanned.

Luke shrugged, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry?”

The only reply he got to that was an eyeroll from Bobby before the three of them followed Luke to wherever he was leading them.

It should’ve been a sign that their surroundings looked familiar to Alex. It felt like someplace he’d been before but then again, there were a lot of places on campus that looked vaguely familiar. Dark grey bricked pathways lined with trees and benches. A variety of buildings that served either as dorms, specific educational sectors or stores. Though the sense of familiarity he felt started to make sense the moment that they stood still in front of a homey looking coffeeshop.

Specifically one called Hazel’s Garden Café.

Oh _God._

“Ta-da!” Luke shouted, throwing his arms in the air as if he’d just performed the magic trick of a lifetime. “This place hosts a set of performances every Saturday and we made it on the list, boys!”

Alex could only stare at the café’s sign quietly.

Not only were his friends _deliberately_ teasing him over a crush on a guy he’d met _once_ , they were now also doing it without realizing. What was the universe setting him up for?

He felt a nudge in his side and when he looked he saw Reggie looking back at him with a knowing, teasing grin.

It told Alex everything he needed to know.

Luke ushered the three of them inside and Alex was hit with the same comforting warmth that he’d been welcomed with the first time. This time though, because it was later in the morning, the place was far more packed.

“Reggie! Back so soon!”

Their attention was pulled towards a voice coming from behind the bar and even _that_ sounded familiar.

It was Willie, still with that sunshine smile on his face.

This whole thing was starting to feel like the plot of a romance novel and Alex didn’t know what to do with that thought.

Reggie gave Willie a wide smile. “Yeah! I didn’t realize our friend Luke here had booked us a gig at this place,” he answered, slinging an arm over Luke’s shoulders.

“Oh, sick! You guys are performing tomorrow? Lucky me! I have a shift during performance hours.”

_Of course._

“Yeah, look out for us; we’re Sunset Curve,” Luke mentioned with a proud smile.

“Tell your friends,” Reggie added with a wink. “Oh, Willie, these are the friends I mentioned. Luke, Bobby and Alex. Guys, this is Willie; he’s in my art classes.”

From the corner of his eye, Alex could see Bobby looking at him and he just _knew_ the fucker was trying not to laugh. At the same time though, Willie laid eyes on him and his sunshine smile grew wider. “Hey! I know you. Alex the early morning jogger. Glad you’re liking the blueberry cinnamon tea.”

“I uh – Yeah,” Alex laughed a little nervously, gesturing at nothing with one hand while he tucked the other one in his pocket. “It’s really good, actually. How’d you know I liked it, though?”

“Reggie told me,” Willie answered. “He came in this morning and told me you enjoyed what you had last time. He just needed some help remembering.”

How did _he_ remember?

“Oh – he did, huh.” Alex muttered, shooting a look at Reggie who was deliberately avoiding his gaze, preferring to check out the lamps hanging from the ceiling.

Willie seemed amused, at least. “Did you guys wanna order or did you just come by to check out the place?”

“Oh, we’re just here to check out the place, thanks,” Bobby answered. When nobody protested those words, Willie took that as the permanent answer.

“Alright, well, I gotta go back to work. See you guys around!” Willie flashed them another wide smile before disappearing behind a door in the back.

Luke turned to Alex, looking highly entertained. “ _Early morning jogger_? How did you convince him you’re a morning person?”

“I didn’t,” Alex sighed. “He made the assumption because I showed up all sweaty and out of breath and… I didn’t correct him.”

 _“Hey guys! Over here!_ ”

Despite there being no indication that those words were meant for them, all four of them turned towards the noise. They were met with the sight of the three girls that reserved the music room in the slot before them – tea girl and her two friends.

They hadn’t seen them since the day they’d heard that angelic singing.

The one that had been shouting at them – presumably – was also the one frantically waving at them, clear enthusiasm on her face. Tea girl was hiding her face behind a book while their other friend was pinching the bridge of her nose, seeming a little irritated.

Assuming the call had been meant for them, the four boys made their way over.

“Hey!” The enthusiastic girl greeted them. “Been a while, huh?”

“Yeah,” Bobby said. “Haven’t seen you in the music room in a while. You guys still rehearsing there?”

“We are, just you know, needed to leave early a couple times,” she waved it off. “Anyway, considering we keep seeing each other I thought it was about time we get introduced! I’m Flynn, captain grump over here is Carrie, and this,” the girl – Flynn – attempted to subtly kick her friend from underneath the table, though subtlety didn’t seem like her forte. “This is Julie. Say hi!”

Julie put down her book then, hesitantly, no longer hiding her face behind the pages as she offered them a smile – a little awkward but genuine. “Hi, hey. Julie, that’s me.”

“Cool – I uhm, I’m Luke,” Luke started. Alex didn’t remember ever hearing him stutter before, though his awkwardness seemed to make Julie feel a little better as amusement took over her features. “And these are my friends, Alex, Bobby and Reggie.” He made a gesture towards each of them as he said their names.

“Nice to meet you,” Julie said, pushing her book to the side completely as she leaned forward with curiosity. “So are you guys in a band? You have the music room after us, right?”

“Yeah! Yeah, we’re in a band called Sunset Curve,” Luke said. “If you wanna hear us play, we’re actually playing here tomorrow night. We’re… We’re pretty good.”

All three girls sat up a little more straight, sharing looks and smiles with each other. Julie was the first to look back at them, the awkwardness she smiled with before replaced by something that looked more challenging. “Well we’re in a band called Triple Threat and if you wanna hear _us_ play, we’re actually playing here tomorrow night. We’re pretty good, too.”

There was a smile that formed on Luke’s face that looked both amused and a little bit adoring. There was a challenging look to Luke’s eyes, matching Julie’s smile, and even though Alex had no idea what the challenge was supposed to be, he knew it had been accepted by both of them.


	6. six | can you hear me? loud and clear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE NOTE: This chapter describes an ANXIETY ATTACK. If you're uncomfortable with this please skip this chapter. Also please note that what I've described is based off my own experiences and I'm in now way claiming them to be the default/most common.

“Alright! You guys ready to go?”

It felt like something was laying on his chest. A weight that didn’t allow him to catch a full breath, his lungs unsatisfied with the amount of air they managed to take. He tried taking more breaths – faster, deeper breaths but still it felt like no amount of air in the world was going to be enough.

_Calm down, Alex. Calm down, you’ve done this before. Drumming is going to help, it always does._

“Alex? Are you okay?”

The question didn’t fully register as he was too busy trying to convince himself that he was okay. His hands were occupied by his drumsticks, alternating between twirling them between his fingers or holding them so tight he almost feared they were going to snap in half. His fingers felt cold even when touching each other.

_You’re fine, you’re fine, you got this. Just breathe, you’re fine._

“Take him outside, we’ll arrange things here.”

His eyes had been fully focused on the stage and more specifically his drums. His hands aching to play but not there, not beneath the bright lights. Not in front of the crowd – not now. Not when his hands were shaking as bad as they were, not when his vision blurred because tears threatened to fall.

_Why am I like this? Why can’t I just be normal. I’m ruining it. An attention seeker, that’s all I am. What if I’m just exaggerating?_

“Let’s go outside. It’s quieter there.”

Alex finally looked away from the stage when he felt Reggie’s hand on his back pull him back to awareness, briefly looking at his friend before searching for a door. The only one he could find was the front door, which would require them to make their way through the crowd. While Alex was desperate for some quiet, he wasn’t sure if he could make it through that without making it worse. He was certain he looked distraught and he didn’t want more attention on him than he already had.

“Hey, come here, I’ll lead you guys through the back.”

For as far as Alex knew, Willie appeared out of virtually nowhere, waving the two of them over as he looked at Alex with clear concern. He felt Reggie’s hand gently push him into the direction that Willie was sending them. Alex mindlessly cooperated, just wanting to get out, his breathing faster and less in his own control by the second and yet still feeling like he just couldn’t get enough air.

Whatever was left of his composure shattered when they stepped into the quietness of the alleyway that ran behind the stores and cafés. As if suddenly he was hit by every bit of emotion he was trying to hold back when he was inside. He could no longer hold the tears, his breaths became louder and harsher to the point where it hurt his chest. A shaking hand running through and pulling at his hair while the other clutched onto his drumsticks as if they were the only thing keeping him from losing it completely.

“Alex, do you want to be alone?”

_God, no, please don’t leave me alone. Please stay._

Alex shrugged, whispering a breathy “I don’t care,” because he was too afraid to ask them to stay – too hesitant to take the choice away from them even if it went against his own wishes.

_I already took away the performance, how selfish would I be if I told them to stay?_

Both Reggie and Willie stayed where they were, though, watching how Alex leaned back against the wall, sliding down until he was sitting on the ground. He felt lightheaded and it made him feel like he was going to fall if he continued to stand on his feet.

Alex closed his eyes, head leaning back against the brick behind him as he desperately tried to slow his breathing. He could feel his heart is his chest, his throat and his temples – beating loud, hard and fast.

_Why am I like this?_

He felt someone sitting down next to him. He only half opened his eyes to see it was Reggie, who gently bumped his knee against his with a soft but concerned smile. _I’m here._

Seconds later he felt Willie sit down on his other side, softly bumping his shoulder against his. There was a gentle hesitation that Alex could see in his eyes but Willie shook it off and instead offered a smile that matched Reggie’s. “Can I hold your hand?”

Alex looked at him a little longer before looking down at the hand Willie held out for him, palm up. He didn’t really know how to answer, caught too much by surprise. His breathing was too unsteady and his mind too dysfunctional to ask questions or give replies, so instead he just put a shaking hand in Willie’s steady one.

They were soft and warm, clasping onto Alex’s hand and holding onto it with a comforting tightness. It felt grounding, in a way. Calming.

“Hey,” Reggie said quietly, bumping his knee against Alex’s again. “Breathe in through your nose, hold and breathe out through your mouth.”

Alex hadn’t really realized he hadn’t been. Apparently he’d been breathing purely through his mouth and suddenly it was no wonder it felt so dry.

He closed his eyes again, trying to focus on his breathing and his breathing alone. Willie’s hand in his and Reggie gently leaning against him felt more comforting than he ever thought he could put into words. Steady and calm presences he genuinely, desperately needed.

He hated being alone when this kind of stuff happened.

Not once did Reggie or Willie hint at wanting to leave. Not once did they seem impatient with how long this was taking. Even so, when Alex had calmed down enough to speak the first thing he said was “I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Reggie said without missing a beat, sounding baffled that he was even apologizing to begin with. “Not like you planned for this to happen.”

Alex stayed quiet, now staring at the sky. It was dark but he couldn’t see the stars, the lights on earth drowning them out with their own brightness. _Not my fault. Then why do I still feel guilty?_

“Is there something that caused this?” Willie asked – careful, as if he was scared his question was too much or too invasive.

There had been a _variety_ of things leading up to this, really.

The day had already started off poorly. Alex had woken up with his head feeling foggy, a light, painless presence near his forehead that just made him want to crawl back into bed because he didn’t feel capable of achieving anything that day. Focus was out of the question.

He’d felt a discomfort in his hands because tying his shoelaces had just been impossible that morning, instead ending his attempts with a frustrated pull to tighten his shoes before tucking the loose ends into the sides.

He’d felt an irritability rise up inside him as the voices of his friends kept distracting him from writing an email. He couldn’t be in the same room as them to write it, every bit of sound overwhelming.

He’d hit his head against the bottom of Bobby’s bunkbed three times, spilled coffee on the carpet and cracked the screen of his phone.

Then came a text from his mom that had settled a heaviness on his chest that didn’t leave him alone for the entire rest of the day.

_Do let us know if you meet a nice girl at college! We’d love to have her over for Christmas :-)_

Fair was fair that his parents didn’t know about his sexuality. He hadn’t come out to them yet, too afraid and unwilling to be stuck in a house with them if – _when_ it would go wrong. There was only a small ounce of hope he held when it came to them accepting that he was gay but compared to all the fear and doubt it was just a spec; too dim for him to rely on.

Their vocal hatred of homosexuality and the pressure they’d put on him to get a girlfriend were enough for him to dismiss that spec of hope as a dream.

It was a dream he wouldn’t dare dwell on.

He didn’t like to dream.

These were things that had stacked and stacked throughout the day and then finally the anxiety over performing for a crowd for the first time in a long while had broken him.

While Reggie had picked up hints of it throughout the day, Willie knew nothing about what had been happening and Alex wasn’t going to drop the bomb on either of them.

“Do you know those days where… everything just seems to go wrong?” Alex asked instead, his voice tight and cracking, because while his breathing had slowed he was still unable to stop any tears. Willie nodded in reply. “It’s been one of those.”

“Alright, I hear you,” Willie said, nodding again. He gave Alex’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry to hear that. That sucks.”

The door to their left opened with an urgency that made the three of them jump in surprise.

Alex looked up and found both Luke and Bobby looking back at him. The moment he spotted them there was a new wave of guilt that washed over him, only adding to that heavy feeling in his chest that was already there.

He remembered Luke’s excitement about the show and how he just couldn’t stop talking about it.

He could still see Bobby practising his guitar on their couch for most of the week, trying to get his part right and add some flair to it.

 _I ruined it for them_.

“Hey!” Luke sighed with relief as he went to kneel down in front of Alex, hands resting on his knees to balance himself. “How you doing, bud?”

“Bit better, I guess.”

There was a small smile that played at Luke’s lips then, his face visibly relaxing at the answer. “Good. I’m glad.” His expression grew more serious almost immediately after speaking those words, a concerned frown replacing the short-lived relaxation. “You wanna talk about it?”

Alex just shook his head at the question. Even if he wanted to, he didn’t think he’d have the emotional energy to even do so. Despite how miserable he’d been feeling, there was now a sense of calm he was rather keen to keep. He wasn’t sure if he felt like that because the anxiety had been released for a large part, or if it just felt like nothing compared to the intensity of the past ten minutes or so.

There were different words burning at his lips, though. “Hey – I – I’m sorry. For ruining tonight.”

Luke just frowned and shook his head, looking at him as if he’d just said the most absurd thing in existence. Bobby nudged the side of Alex’s leg with his foot, speaking before Luke was done looking offended at the suggestion. “Your well-being comes first, you walnut.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Luke said as he stood up again. “Besides, the girls took our timeslot to stretch time. That way, if _you decide_ you’re up for it, we can take theirs later in the night. Again, only if _you_ think you’re up for it. If not, we come back another time.”

Alex looked down at the drumsticks he was still holding in his hand, noticing the stiffness and pain in his fingers from holding onto them so tight. His other hand was still holding onto Willie’s and he quietly hoped he hadn’t been squeezing his hand too tight. He wondered if he should be letting go.

He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to.

“I want to try and play,” he said softly after a minute. “Are the girls still performing?”

“Yeah, think so,” Bobby replied. “I think they got the stage for another fifteen minutes. You wanna go watch them?”

“I – Yeah.”

The distraction would be welcome now that he’d calmed down some. While earlier in the day he couldn’t handle the noise and while just twenty minutes ago the sound inside the café was overwhelming, he felt more clear inside his head than he had before. It was worth a try, especially now knowing he could back out anytime he needed to without disappointing any of his friends.

Bobby held out a hand for him, pulling Alex to his feet before the five of them walked back inside. It was just before getting back into the main area that Willie released his hand to go do something – Alex already missed the warmth of it the moment he let go.

Luke, Reggie, Bobby and Alex went to watch the girls from the back of the crowd, hidden from the view of the masses but fully able to see them shine. Julie, Flynn and Carrie were dressed in purple, red and pink respectively, matching outfits while still having their own unique vibe. They’d just started a new song – a cover of Born This Way by Lady Gaga.

Alex couldn’t help but smile a little. It was one of his favorites.

Julie was the first to spot them in the back less than a minute into their performance, a wide smile on her face as she looked specifically at Alex while singing her line.

“ _There’s nothing wrong with loving who you are,  
She said, “Cause he made you perfect, babe,””_

The girls were dancing and singing around on stage with an energy that seemed to be able to rival Reggie’s energetic bouncing whenever he played the bass. On top of that were mic shares between Flynn and Carrie that radiated a chemistry that reminded Alex of Luke and Reggie – something that him and Bobby loved teasing them about.

It was mesmerizing to watch, their attention so caught up in the show that Alex only noticed Willie next to him after the boy gently bumped his shoulder, offering him a cup of tea with a smile and a wink. “Here. On the house.”

The little surprise caught Alex off guard, reaching out for the tea with widened eyes. It smelled like blueberry cinnamon and he honestly wasn’t going to say no to a warm, comforting drink. “No – please let me pay for it.”

“Nah,” Willie chuckled. “You deserve something nice after such an awful day. Besides, Hazel wouldn’t want you to anyway.”

Alex looked a little puzzled, his cold hands wrapping around the warm mug. “Hazel?”

“Oh! Owner of this place,” he explained. “Hence the _Hazel’s_ Garden Café. Really sweet, tiny old lady. She asked me how you were doing while I was making the drink. Said Bobby and Luke had informed her to rearrange things.”

“Oh,” Alex murmured, offering Willie a smile of his own. “Well, thank you – for the tea. And well, everything… just now.”

“Anytime, blueberry.”

Alex huffed a laugh, more out of surprise than anything else. “Blueberry?”

Willie just shrugged. “I like giving people nicknames. Blueberry cinnamon is too long, though.”

Alex looked at him, a little bit in awe before shaking his head softly with amusement. He wasn’t really going to argue it – the fact that Willie had decided to give him a nickname at all was rather endearing.

Blueberry was something he could get used to.

The five of them watched the rest of the girls’ performance quietly, genuinely unable to take their eyes off for too long because the quality and energy they showed was astounding. Alex was sure that if they decided to continue this further into the future, they’d be a huge hit.

Triple Threat, combined with the tea and the comfort of his friends, provided Alex enough distraction to feel better than he had all day – even if it wasn’t by that much. The feeling in his chest remained and there was still a sense of guilt nagging at him. This was only a partial motivator for him to get up on stage and actually perform after the girls were done.

Mostly though, it was because he wanted to.

Before they started, Luke walked up to him, guitar slung around his shoulders and it was clear that he was looking Alex over to estimate how he was doing. “Hey, you still good? We can still leave.”

It was this that confirmed there were no hard feelings whatsoever. “Yeah,” Alex said after a moment. “Yeah, I’ll be okay.”

Luke’s look of concern melted into a grin as he walked backwards towards his mic. It was the same excited Luke Alex had seen the entire week. “Countdown when you’re ready.”

The moment that Alex’s sticks hit the drums, he forgot about his day, even if just for a moment.


	7. seven | dreaming like we'll live forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small update: this story will now be updated every Friday!

“Do you think he died?”

“I mean, he’s still breathing.”

“A coma, then?”

“Maybe - or he’s in that kind of sleep paralysis thing.”

“Or you’re both stupid.”

When Alex finally managed to open his eyes despite the heaviness of his eyelids, he was instantly startled more awake by the first thing to grace his vision. It wasn’t the familiar wall he’d covered with sticky notes that carried reminders and random thoughts he didn’t want to forget. He didn’t see Bobby’s bunk above him and he also didn’t see the couch they’d put in their room.

Instead he was greeted by the faces of Reggie and Luke, looking down on him as if he was some kind of curiosity that popped out of nowhere.

“What the fuck are you guys doing?” Alex asked with a raspy voice.

Reggie and Luke looked at each other for a second – both of them a little panicked and surprised that Alex had actually woken up while they were… doing whatever they were doing looking at him like that.

“We were just checking to see if you were still alive,” Luke answered.

“Yeah,” Reggie said. “You’ve been asleep for fourteen hours. We thought you’d died or… fallen into a coma, or something.”

“Please keep in mind I’m not included in the ‘we’,” Bobby’s voice sounded from somewhere else in the room, though Alex was still trying to process what Reggie just said.

He’d been asleep for _fourteen_ hours?

Sure, he’d been absolutely exhausted last night. With the panic attack draining most of his energy as well as the performance and the little bit of socializing with the girls and Willie afterwards, he’d felt ready to crawl into bed and just close his eyes. All he really remembered. though, was letting himself fall onto the combined beds in Reggie and Luke’s room, thinking it would be okay if he rested his eyes for just a second.

He was _still_ in Reggie and Luke’s room.

Alex sat up with a fair amount of difficulty, not feeling any less tired despite the amount of hours he’d slept. He wouldn’t object to some more sleep, though it was likely he was tired because he’d slept _too much_.

He finally spotted where Bobby was, sitting at Reggie’s desk while he was messing with the settings on his camera. “You passed out the moment you closed your eyes last night,” he said, confirming what Alex figured had happened. “We let you sleep. You had a rough enough day and seems like you needed it too.”

“Wait, so if I slept here, where’d you guys sleep?” Alex questioned, looking at the other two with a slight sense of guilt that didn’t last for more than ten seconds.

“In bed,” Reggie shrugged.

“But I was –“ Alex’s still half-asleep mind caught up. “All three of us slept in the bed.”

“Yeah, it was a little awkward, cause, you know, you were sleeping across it sideways, but it worked out fine,” Reggie said with a kind of proud smile. Him and Luke had put their beds next to each other, creating more room to allow for a proper desk Reggie could work at. Alex also knew that it helped them feel less alone - more grounded. Especially Reggie. “Thankfully you slept like a log; Luke slapped you in the face by accident and you didn’t even stir.”

Alex frowned. “I dreamt about something hitting me in the face, I think.”

“Oh, no, that wasn’t a dream,“ Luke said sheepishly. “That… That was me.”

“He did apologize though,” Reggie piped up. “In case you didn’t dream that part.”

Alex stared at them in confusion before shaking his head and deciding that right now he was too tired to even try and think of an answer. “I need coffee,” he sighed. “I’m gonna go get coffee.”

As he got to his feet he could feel something fall and when he looked down he saw a blanket laying at his feet. It was only then that he realized they’d put in the effort of covering him with a blanket while he slept. He shouldn’t really be surprised because he knew they always took care of him – awake or not – but he was touched by the gesture anyway.

He picked up the blanket and put it back on the bed. “Do you guys want anything?”

“Blueberry cinnamon tea,” Bobby answered.

Alex gave him a death glare and when Bobby didn’t hear anyone say anything, he finally looked up from his camera. He seemed a little taken aback by the look Alex was giving him. “No seriously,” He said in a defensive tone. “I wanna try it.”

Alex’s stare moved to a giggling Reggie and an amused Luke, who immediately tried to suppress their smiled but failed miserably. “Fine, neither of you are getting anything.”

He left the room, hearing Luke shout “Say hi to Willie for us!” before he could close the door.

Alex wasn’t sure whether to kill him or just sigh.

He walked through the hallways trying to fix his hair as best as he could without a mirror. In hindsight this was something he should’ve done before leaving the dorms – his hair always was a huge mess after waking up and well, if he was going to (maybe) see Willie again, he’d like to look somewhat decent, at least.

Not that he was trying to impress him, or anything. It was just that… You know…

Who was he kidding?

He _did_ want to impress Willie.

And that feeling was kind of terrifying; he didn’t want him to become a dream.

Dreams were unreachable and they were going to hurt.

_Then why couldn’t he stay away?_

Before he could fully make it out of the building, Alex ran into a familiar face – one that was holding a sandwich in her mouth as two filled up bags were occupying her hands. He didn’t really mean to peek but he definitely spotted hamster food inside one of them. It could be for a friend off-campus – as pets weren’t allowed in the dorms – but the guilty and awkward look on Julie’s face told him everything.

It _definitely_ wasn’t for a friend.

Alex looked at her with a mixture of suspicion and amusement. “Whatcha got there?”

“A snwhch,” she mumbled, sandwich still in her mouth.

“Uhuh.”

“Pws dnt tew anywne.”

“I won’t,” Alex assured her. “But you owe me a pet visit.”

Julie’s face visibly flooded with relief as she nodded vigorously, attempting a wave with one of her bag-filled hands before running off to make sure nobody else would catch her – or at least anyone that _would_ snitch on her.

When Alex walked outside, the sun hitting him in the face made him feel a little more awake.

Campus on Sundays seemed to be the most quiet days. Despite it being nearly two in the afternoon there were only a few people walking about. Hazel’s Garden Café was no different.

They’d already cleared out the makeshift stage and everything inside was back to it’s normal, homey atmosphere. It was one of Alex’s favorite things about the place, other than the drinks, the music and the cute baristas.

Or well, one specifically.

When Willie spotted him he welcomed Alex with a smile. “Hey! You looking a little tired today.”

Alex gave half a shrug and stuffed his hands inside the pockets of his pants. He was unable to not smile back at him, even if it was a softer and less radiant version. Nothing could really match the radiancy of Willie’s smiles, anyway. “I kinda just woke up. Still tired, though.”

Willie raised an eyebrow and looked up at the clock behind him before turning back to Alex with a concerned frown. “Yesterday did a number on you, huh?”

“Yeah, kinda,” he admitted a little quietly, chuckling a little sheepishly as he looked everywhere but at Willie. It took a few seconds before he looked back at him with utter sincerity. “Thank you, by the way. Again - for your help. That was… really sweet of you.”

Willie smiled at him – a that made the tenseness in Alex’s shoulders fade. He reached over the counter, gently nudging Alex’s shoulder with his fist. “You already said thanks but again, it’s not a problem. Oh, by the way - my shift just ended. How about… we go for a walk and just… talk for a while?”

Alex had to take a few seconds to process that question; he wasn’t entirely sure if he’d heard that right.

Willie wanted to hang out?

Oh.

“Oh! Uh –“ Alex shook his head a little, trying to gather his thoughts. Suddenly aware he was _shaking his head_ – as in the gesture of _no_ – he panicked a little and blurted out: “Yeah! Sure! Absolutely. Sounds good.”

Willie’s face seemed to light up when a grin spread across his face – like something brighter than the sun. “Awesome, lemme go grab my stuff. I’ll be back in a few.”

Alex watched him disappear through the backdoor and suddenly he wasn’t entirely sure what to do with himself. Just standing there, not ordering anything (tea and coffee long forgotten), in the middle of the café – it was bound to make him feel awkward, even if there wasn’t really anyone paying any attention to him at all. So instead he went to stand nearby the door and against the wall, taking his phone out of his pocket to try and distract himself before realizing his battery had died.

Of course it would be – he hadn’t charged it since yesterday morning. The battery life was good but it didn’t survive till now after all its usage. Alex had used it a lot yesterday, desperate to distract himself from the anxiety building up inside of him.

He put his phone back in his pocket, trying to look around for something like a flyer or magazine to make him feel less awkward about standing there. He didn’t really have to though, because Willie showed up again, backpack slung around his shoulder and carrying a skateboard and helmet.

“You skateboard?” Alex asked, curiously looking at the equipment. The bottom of the board was decorated with something artistic that Alex couldn’t really identify but it was something colorful and eye catching.

“Yeah! Been doing it since I was around eight years old. Do you?”

“Oh, no,” he shook his head. “It always looked cool but I never tried.”

“Well, maybe I’ll teach you someday,” Willie said with a grin, gently nudging him in the side.

Alex never thought an offer for taking skateboard lessons could be this appealing. “If you don’t mind me likely being an absolute disaster.”

“Oh trust me, I broke several bones trying to learn.”

“That’s not very comforting.”

Willie just laughed a little. “Come on, let’s walk. Weather’s nice out.”

Alex reached for the door, holding it open for Willie and walking out after him. For the first few minutes they didn’t really talk, just walking next to each other in a comfortable silence as the sun shone down on them, offering a warmth that was reminiscent of spring – despite winter approaching fast. Alex had his vision set on the brick below his feet – a habit he was never able to kick while walking, no matter how many times Bobby told him to look up and walk straight.

“You feeling better compared to yesterday?” Willie asked eventually.

Alex nodded slowly. “Yeah. Whenever that happens I just… tend to feel exhausted afterward, but there was the performance and then hanging out and just… I fell asleep in Reggie and Luke’s dorm and woke up 14 hours later. They were sure I’d died.”

Willie chuckled softly. “They happen more often, then?”

“Yeah,” Alex murmured, finally looking up and squinting against the sun. “Reggie is usually the first one to notice when it happens. That dude reads people like a book – it’s… kind of scary.”

“He’s definitely a people person, huh? He had absolutely zero issues striking up conversation with basically anyone first day of class.”

“Oh yeah, you guys share art classes, don’t you?”

Willie hummed a confirmation with a smile and Alex couldn’t help but look even for a split second. “Several, actually. He’s in Art History, Graphic Design and Digital Media with me.”

“What kind of art do you do?” Alex asked curiously.

“Kind of just whatever comes up, really. I use acrylics a lot but I’ve also been trying my hand with spray paint. I try to just… let creativity flow.”

Alex’s eyes widened in quiet realization. “Your skateboard! Did you design that yourself?”

“I did!” Willie beamed with pride, moving his skateboard so that he could see the design on it.

It was covered in smiley faces of sorts – all looking similar with three sharp teeth and round eyes, but each of them a unique, vibrant color.

Alex was a little in awe. “That’s sick,” he said with genuine excitement. “Coolest skateboard design I’ve _ever_ seen. Do you have more stuff I can see sometime? If you’re comfortable with that, of course.”

Willie grinned at him, eyes sparkling with glee. “Yeah, absolutely! You shared your art with me, so now it’s my turn.”

Alex blinked and looked up at him with a confused frown. “My art?”

“Drumming.”

He wasn’t entirely sure if the heat on his cheek was from the sun or if he was blushing. “Oh – I’m not sure I would call that _art_.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. Music is a form of art and you play the drums incredibly well.” Yeah, no – it was a blush. At least now it was. “Do you plan on majoring in music?”

“Oh no. Music is just this thing I do with the guys, really – and to help with my anxiety. Without them I wouldn’t really be playing in a band at all. It’s been Luke’s dream to go big and we’ll happily follow him. All of us, we love what we have and we would never give it up but like – Reggie has art and math, Bobby has photography and I –“ He trailed off for a moment. “I’m still figuring it out.”

“What do you dream of then, if not to make it big with the band? If you could achieve _anything_ for yourself?” Willie asked – and it was a question Alex wasn’t prepared to answer.

He spent some time to think to maybe find something he could use as a reply, looking at the ground as they continued to walk as if it held all the answers he could possibly need.

“I don’t really know,” Alex answered eventually, quietly. “I don’t really know how to dream without overthinking things.”

Alex wasn’t looking at him but he could feel Willie staring at him. Maybe it was judgement. Maybe it was confusion. He realized it was neither when Willie bumped his shoulder against his, slightly throwing him off balance which made Alex look at him in surprise.

He was smiling at him, like always. “Then let’s teach you that first. Skateboarding can wait.”

Alex didn’t think he could learn how to dream – not with how his mind always treated them. Though looking into Willie’s eyes, which were so friendly and trustworthy and warm, he thought that maybe he’d be willing to try.


End file.
